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relationships Fucking hate my Mum
posted anonymously on Jun 13, 2016 10:07:43 AM

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How is it possible to hate the one person who is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader in life?
So ever since my brother and I have been born my mother has abused us both physically and emotionally. I am now 19 and my brother is 22 to give you an idea of things. This rant is going to be a list of some of the things she's done to me:

- One of my earliest memories of being beaten up has to be my 11th birthday. I had a party at my house with some of my friends from school and had been given a barbie doll as a present. One of my friends opened this present even though it was mine so naturally I got upset. Her mum was in the other room with my mum and they came to find out what had happened. All of a sudden my mum took me upstairs to my bedroom to beat me up with a rolling pin in front of my friend and her mum. Best birthday ever.

- Ever since I can remember my mum has openly called me a bitch, whore and "rand" which means prostitute in another language she speaks. She used these words as if they were my name and has shamed me countless times by making me repeat back to her that these were my names and what I should be addressed as in the house. To this day she still calls me these names.

- She used to drop me to school every morning from the age of 5-16 with two other kids in my year. Every morning there would be something she would be beating me up for or calling me names for. She had this impression that if I was using my laptop for homework I was apparently being a whore on the internet and talking to boys or if I sent a text message to somebody I was a rand. I would go into school most days in tears and sometimes with cuts or bruises on the side of my face from where she'd pinched me or punched me or pulled on my ponytail. Then I would have to face the embarrassment of the two twins telling their friends what had happened in the car that morning.

- When i turned 16 and finished my GCSE's my mum had wanted me to get good enough grades to get into grammar school which I didn't manage to get into at 11+. I didn't do as well as expected ( I got 4A* 10A but i needed around 8-9A*) so I didn't end up getting in and my mum has reminded me i'm a failure almost every day. She beat me excessively saying I had ruined my life. She even told me she hated me and that I didn't deserve to live as all she wanted was for me to do well in my exams. She reminds me daily that she spent money by sending me to a private school, money which she says she could've spent on a bigger house, holidays and cars and things that would make her happy but instead she wasted it on me. She even told me to kill myself and that she hated me with all her heart. I very nearly committed suicide after this incident.

- Just before Christmas 2015, she locked my brother and I out of the house because we were out till late. When we eventually got let in by our Dad he took her side and they called me a whore. I had had enough and asked for my cousin to come and pick me up so I could stay over at their house. This worked as a few days later both of my parents harrassed me into coming back home and apologised profusely however still tried to say it was partly my fault for being an awful child and for failing my exams. I eventually went back home as my Dad told me my mum had left the house for good and wasn't coming back. I guess I was stupid to believe him as he hours later texted her telling her to come home. I hate myself for not listening to my cousins who told me to just stay at their house forever. As much as I love them I just didn't feel like I belonged there and I felt like a burden on them. Even now I just wish I could go back and stay with them.

- Just a few months ago she forced me into committing a crime with her. I had been working in a shop where I received two discount cards; one for me and one for another person. My mum had my second card and would by things with a discount and ask me to refund them at full price to her. Now for this one I know it was more my fault for being so stupid to actually do it and for not saying no. But what kind of mother encourages and teaches their child to steal? Of course we got caught and I was arrested at work and put in a cell for half a day and was taken to court for fraud. I was charged but thankfully they took pity on me and only gave me a community sentence as opposed to a prison sentence as they noticed that I was coerced into the behaviour. My mother was given a suspended prison sentence. I have never been more down in my entire life and have never hated myself more in my life. This almost cost me my university place, it cost me my job, friends and my brother and dad hated me for a while too. All this time since this incident she has not made my life any easier. She still shows so much hatred towards me and reminds me i'm a failure in life.

I just don't think I can take any more abuse from this lady. I hate her more than you could ever imagine and just cannot understand why karma won't teach her a lesson. I have these dreams where I imagine several different ways in which I could kill her without being sent to prison. I guess some people just aren't fit to be "mothers". I hope one day I am put in a position where I can be independent and get away from her without having to rely on anybody else. I hope one day she gets what's coming for her.

I wish her all the pain, suffering and heartache in the world.

[ Comment on this story ]

    Blood is not thicker than water
    by Waiting waiting
    gfd messages
    on Dec 9, 2016 10:57:26 PM
    I hope you found the escape hatch since you wrote this. Your story was painful as fuck to read because it brought back all sorts of shit about my bitch-mother that I try in vain not to think about. I'm sorry you've had to live with this your whole life. I have a couple of suggestions, but first I'll offer just a sampling of what my she-witch had to offer..

    My mother wasn't always physically abusive, just every night beginning with her first drink around 6:00 p.m. I often characterize her as Plain-old Witch by day, and Evil Witch From Hell by night. Nights were hell but days weren't always a fun ride. My siblings and I were her house slaves and she was the irritable master. I don't recall any violence when she was sober, but even if she didn't drink at all, I'd still be scarred for life by her. She had an uncanny ability to dash all hopes and dreams, squelch outward displays of happiness, and keep us in a perennial state of Stockholm Syndrome. No sheets on our beds but she had them; we slept on thrift-store box-springs with no mattress on top, but she had a mattress; she didn't give a shit whether we bathed or wore clean clothes, but she'd scream at us if she ran out of clean clothes; we fetched whatever she wanted whenever she wanted; we rolled her cigarettes and caught hell if she ran out; there were no books in the house except the one she was reading; (etc. ad-nauseam). I wouldn't have been surprised if she made us wipe her ass.

    Just one anecdote out of thousands to show what she was capable of even sober: When my brother got his very first job, as a busboy, he came home excited about showing us his first paycheck ever. My mother flew into a rage, snatched the check from his hands, and laid down a new law: any money that we make is owed to her. The look on my brother's face when she did that still haunts me, especially because, looking back, that was the day she broke him (long story).

    So maybe not exactly a good witch, but at least she waited until that first evening drink to open the Hellmouth. She was a widow, and she made sure to constantly remind us that we were to blame for all the hardships of suddenly having to raise kids by herself. After one drink, her resentment turned to bursts of screaming, slapping and making us do housework until 3:00 a.m. (whether it was a school night or not didn't matter). She would often be triggered into a violent rage (and the usual slaps and housework-punishment) for just saying you were off to bed and wished her a goodnight. Never figured that one out. Thanksgiving and Christmas were festivals of child abuse. She seemed to be more cheerful on holidays, but after she downed her first drink, something, anything, would set her off, and she'd do shit like throw the turkey on the floor, tip over the Christmas tree, throw presents (if we had any) out the window...... and on and on. For my entire fucked-up childhood, my sibs and I walked on eggshells around her, but still managed to trip one or two landmines EVERY fucking night of my life, until I moved out.

    I could write a thousand pages, but back to your situation. Again, you have my deepest sympathy. Here's my suggestion: Leave. Estrange yourself from her. She's not your mother, she's a bitch that doesn't deserve the time of day from you. "Family" means nothing in a case like this. Do whatever you can to purge her from your life, and from your mind. Easier said than done, but look at it this way, it's YOUR life - own it and free yourself. I keep a picture of my mother on the wall just so I can flip her off as I walk by it. Therapy. If feels good. Blame her, shame her, and try to forget her. If you were still 16-years old, I would encourage you to file a petition for emancipation (or whatever the law allows where you live). But you're not 16, you're an adult, and your future is yours, not hers. If she wasn't related to you, would you live with her? If the answer is no, then get the fuck out and struggle along until you make it on your own. Good luck to you..
    [Reply to this comment]
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    by LannyPark
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    on Jan 13, 2017 04:37:16 AM
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    Your hate is 100% justified, and then some
    by Survivor(
    gfd messages
    on May 2, 2017 10:21:22 PM
    It's hard growing up with a tyrant like that, and then later on as you get older trying to say no to her or leave so you can escape her grasp. What most people don't understand is, the definition of family is "A group consisting of parents and children living in a household." That's it. The definition of family is most certainly NOT "A group of people that you belong to forever, a group that you are obligated to indefinitely, to put up with all their shit, no matter how disgusting and terrible it is." I had to severe all ties with every single member of my family. I haven't seen or talked to any of my family in 12 years, and I never will again. Sometimes that's the choice you have to make for yourself, and it was hard at first, but I am so glad I did it and I never regretted it once, not even once. Stay strong and remember that you know better, that you ARE better. I hope things have resolved for you.
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    by gujohn(
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    on Aug 15, 2017 06:16:16 AM
    Physical abuse is not the answer at all. You needed to ask for help for you and your brother. This situation is not so simple because the person who abused you was your mum. Hope this will help you to forgive her.
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