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GFD itself Posting: the Shotgun Method
by GMFTatsujin
gfd messagesAIM
(Ask and ye shall receive) on Dec 17, 2002 11:58:28 AM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

"Hey, I've got something to bitch about! I wanna play too! And here's five other things I'd like to post on, while I'm at it! Have I mentioned I'm a cannibal? Fuck you! Har har har. I like babies."

Attention, young grasshoppers. Although your enthusiasm is admirable, you seek to fly with the eagles at a time when you are still crawling with the worms.
 
I suppose it's a sign of success that GFD has cracked the triple digits and has drawn in folks from all walks of life. Around the country, around the globe, possibly ACROSS THE COSMOS, the universal message of rage and wrath is drawn to into the heart of the GFD maelstrom. Fly, monkeys, FLY!

This is Right. This is Good. This is How Things Should Be.

But Jeebus, people -- before you disgorge the five things that piss you off at the top of your head, read a fucking book or something.

I'm immersed in a burgeoning world of amateurs. It's all "love sucks" this and "I hate my family" that. BOO-FUCKING-HOO, you proles. Feel free to join the club - but THIS ONE AIN'T IT.

Let me cut this trend off right at the scrotum: Dump the bitch/prick, move out, take responsibility, stop being stepped on, and get the FUCK on with your life!!!!

And *then*, once you've taken the steps to set your life upon the path of destined greatness, and the world comes in and shits in your Cheerios *anyway*, in *any fucking way it can*, THEN you've got a GFD worth posting.

You pathetic fucks.

Three posts in a row about NOTHING? By the same attention-deprived pigfucking loser? THIS we need? Bullshit.

Where are the Sea Monkeys and Lincons of yesteryear? Whither the Scientologists and Carrot Tops? MY FUCKING GOD! WHY HAST THOU ABANDONED US?

I don't know. I honestly don't. It's really so simple. Consider, for a moment, the guidelines of, say, what makes a good movie:

1) Kung-Fu.
2) Explosions.
3) If you can't pace it well, pace it FAST.

Any movie that follows these simple precepts automatically garners itself a B in my book. Low expectations are easily met with aplomb.

Now, I don't want to point fingers. You know who you are. And I sense that you want acceptance, or maybe, even, a little love and respect. That's fine. You've come to the right place. We're here for you! We've all been there. Now, why don't you sit down, have some nice cocoa... that's right, let it all out. There, there. Here's your binky. Aww. You just tell us all about the big mean world.

But GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHT FIRST, MOTHERFUCKERS. I don't expect you all to deliver razor-sharp, finely keened karate chops of lyrical wrath to the base of the skull on the first time out, but cripes. Don't blow your wad all at once to make up for shitty style and wispy-thin substance. You've got to learn to walk before you can kick life in the ass with your steel-tipped boot and dance on its grave.
GMFTatsujin

[ Comment on this story ]


    a fucking men
    by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Dec 17, 2002 12:01:51 PM
    (#2954)
    best post in weeks :)
    [Reply to this comment]
    We should
    by GFDman(mike at godfuckingdamnit point com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Dec 17, 2002 12:11:46 PM
    (#2957)
    put this in the FAQ, dave. :)
    [Reply to this comment]
      I second that.
      by zaxon(huk~)
      gfd messagesMSN
      on Dec 17, 2002 12:14:38 PM
      (#2958)
      Werd. I mean, this site is all about ANGER, but hell, if I can't laugh at your problems, what the fuck. Maybe I should GFDVote more to help people realize when they are sucking.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        Nah.
        by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
        gfd messagesAIM
        on Dec 17, 2002 12:17:52 PM
        (#2959)
        I don't vote for posts that suck.

        I mean, shit, why give myself competition for the coveted #1 spot in the rankings that I so desire?

        I'm gunnin' for ya, Kraken. Watch yer ass. :)
        GMFTatsujin <-- (fucking pathetic)
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          hey now
          by kraken
          gfd messages
          on Dec 17, 2002 12:23:46 PM
          (#2960)
          I was shocked to discover from cxreg a few minutes ago that I'd hit the top spot... last I'd looked, I was number 4 or so. and now, here I am, number 1 for a short time. I spent so long lusting after it, now that I'm here, I feel all empty and hollow. WAAAAHHHH.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          actually
          by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
          gfd messagesAIM
          on Dec 17, 2002 12:32:27 PM
          (#2962)
          I'm working on tweaking the rankings so that a 5 or lower vote actually decreases your ranking score. Some incentive to vote, good or bad :)
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            preliminary glimpses of the possible-new rankings
            by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
            gfd messagesAIM
            on Dec 17, 2002 12:50:18 PM
            (#2963)
            top 3 spots:
            raven - 834
            GMFTatsujin - 751
            Gribble - 707

            bottom 3 spots:
            hellsyeah - -219
            birdgirl - -71
            pasternack - -66

            (for comparison, even hellsyeah's compatriot krystalnacht would have a positive score, at 1.60)
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
              dave
              by kraken
              gfd messages
              on Dec 17, 2002 12:58:17 PM
              (#2964)
              I hate you.
              you make me cry.

              WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
              [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                HA!
                by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
                gfd messagesAIM
                on Dec 17, 2002 01:02:22 PM
                (#2966)
                Eat it, boy, eat it! Nya-hahahahaha! Stop squirming or my boot'll slip off yer face!

                I mean... um... well contested, old chappie, what? Jolly good show all around, eh what? Best man and all that, what?

                What?
                GMFTatsujin
                [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
              How does it work?
              by Microsoft Bob(spamburrito@gmail.com)
              gfd messagesAIMICQ
              on Dec 17, 2002 12:59:06 PM
              (#2965)
              did you just change everything from 0-10 to -5 to 5 instead?

              Just wondering. Will there be any "remove bottom three from the front page" options? Will there, perhaps be a overall "people with less than a score of X can't be shown in the "featured story" box"?

              And, I don't think that bird girl is coming back after the hell that was unleashed upon her (yes, she's a friend of mine, and no, she really isn't that bad).
              /bob
              [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                I vote for
                by kraken
                gfd messages
                on Dec 17, 2002 01:04:25 PM
                (#2967)
                a user preference that you can set to say, "don't put people with a score of less than X in the featured story box"

                then again, I like to make trouble for cxreg
                [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                  Nice
                  by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
                  gfd messagesAIM
                  on Dec 17, 2002 01:08:02 PM
                  (#2968)
                  There was some talk about making some kind of blacklist a while back. While I think that cxreg made a good decision in not implementing it, I think that this kind of dynamic bullshit filter might be a nice feature, although it skirts the same issues. Kind of like moderating /. at 3 -- you never get to see the under-rated stuff that's just as worthwhile.

                  I would also like a pony.
                  GMFTatsujin

                  [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                    fuck your pony
                    by kraken
                    gfd messages
                    on Dec 17, 2002 01:09:56 PM
                    (#2969)
                    I want a hedgehog first.
                    [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                      Fuck your Hedgehog!
                      by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
                      gfd messagesAIM
                      on Dec 17, 2002 01:12:36 PM
                      (#2970)
                      Mmmmm... hedgehog.

                      I discovered my old boss had a hedgehog a couple of months ago. Suddenly he became an interesting person, like there was a whole new layer of the onion that was this guy.

                      I want a hedgehog too, but the wife is convinced that the cats would rip it to shreds. I think she just doesn't understand hedgehogs very well. Especially the pointy bits.

                      GMFTatsujin
                      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                -4 actually
                by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
                gfd messagesAIM
                on Dec 17, 2002 01:18:16 PM
                (#2971)
                yep, I just offset the votes by 5 before doing the math. I haven't decided if it's the "right way" or not yet.

                Also, we're looking at a few interface changes for the site, hopefully configurable to some degree (including having more than 1 "featured" story, and not putting users with a negative score in the featured box).
                [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                  If there's anything I can help with...
                  by Microsoft Bob(spamburrito@gmail.com)
                  gfd messagesAIMICQ
                  on Dec 17, 2002 01:48:05 PM
                  (#2973)
                  ...Let me know-- I'm fairly good with databases, and PHP is my scripting language of choice--

                  I'm also interested in ratings systems-- if you are interested in going for something a bit more complex, I can try to help you design something that'll work for this site (I've got a really cool one for another site I'm working for, but it's based on the information that someone who hasn't trolled in the past will not troll/post bad things in the future-- basically it assumes that someone's quality will remain constant.

                  Which isn't necessarily true for this site, so I'll leave it at that.
                  /bob
                  [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                    this site is far from rocket science
                    by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
                    gfd messagesAIM
                    on Dec 17, 2002 01:52:07 PM
                    (#2974)
                    It's more along the lines of trying shit until it doesnt suck anymore. Hopefully one day I'll get it right. ;)

                    FYI, the site is Perl (mod_perl and HTML::Mason, specifically) and MySQL. Suggestions are always welcome
                    [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                      I suspected as much...
                      by Microsoft Bob(spamburrito@gmail.com)
                      gfd messagesAIMICQ
                      on Dec 17, 2002 02:08:09 PM
                      (#2977)
                      Great job with the site by the way-- Like I said, if there's any reason you need a PHP weenie for something, I'll be happy to help.

                      I'd like to see more customizability-- perhaps the ability to ignore a specific users comments?

                      Other than that, I really like the site as it is-- It'd be nice if there was a more flushed out ranking system for the archives, but that's about it...

                      Is this turning into an impromptu "what features do you want on GFD?"

                      /bob
                      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                        Ermf.
                        by Microsoft Bob(spamburrito@gmail.com)
                        gfd messagesAIMICQ
                        on Dec 17, 2002 02:10:08 PM
                        (#2978)
                        Struck me as I POKED submit-- Fix the preview button so it does something other than just spit out what you wrote-- Like put it in the same style as a comment/story would normally be put in, so you can see what it's doing!
                        /bob

                        edited: damnit, I know I wrote poked. I previewed it, and I swear I read poked... Then again, I'm running a 102 fever, so it's all too likely it's just me.
                        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            While we're talking features
            by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
            gfd messagesAIM
            on Dec 17, 2002 02:00:24 PM
            (#2975)
            How about a quick filter that shows you stories that have replies you haven't read yet?

            Instead of, you know, having the scrounge through the archives page after page. The Recently Active box has done a fair job of keeping living posts alive, but sometimes things slip through the cracks into oblivion.

            Just a thought.
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
              yeah, that struck me on Sunday
              by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
              gfd messagesAIM
              on Dec 17, 2002 02:04:55 PM
              (#2976)
              when I got back from a 4 day road trip and there was TONS of stuff to read :)

              additional box on the front page?
              [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                Not a new box
                by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
                gfd messagesAIM
                on Dec 25, 2002 02:17:18 AM
                (#3287)
                ... That would add clutter. Clutter is a no-no. Some high-falootin' over-paid web consultant says so, I'm sure.

                An "Updated Stories" link next to the "More stories" link at the bottom of the New Stories panel, perhaps?
                [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Thank you
    by Gribble
    gfd messages
    on Dec 17, 2002 01:35:11 PM
    (#2972)
    You know that Sea Monkey post came straight from my tortured soul.

    And yes, I agree, put it in the FAQ.

    No, lets not censor anyone. Yes, let's vote thier pathetic ugly shit to the bottom of the pile. I agree with the new ranking system, and it does not change my rank at all.
    [Reply to this comment]
    aww
    by anal0gue(jholmes@crucifuckwadd.com)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 17, 2002 02:23:04 PM
    (#2979)
    Its nice to see I'm still held in some regard, considering my absentee status these days. Sorry, I've been busy at work and I don't touch computers after 5:00. I never actually thought my stories were very well written, but its nice to see that two of them will be forever referenced in the FAQ.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Well, why the fuck not?
    by TheChisa(come@me.bro)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 17, 2002 04:33:24 PM
    (#2986)
    I don't expect you all to deliver razor-sharp, finely keened karate chops of lyrical wrath to the base of the skull on the first time out, but cripes

    Well, I do, god damn it! LINCOLN WAS MY FIRST POST. YOU SLACKERS NEED MORE DOJO PRACTICE. HAI.
    [Reply to this comment]
    GFD is what you make it
    by bean
    gfd messages
    on Dec 18, 2002 12:42:25 AM
    (#2994)
    i dont care what you people bitch about. i just hate wadding through shit to get a decent story.

    "I'm immersed in a burgeoning world of amateurs. It's all "love sucks" this and "I hate my family" that. BOO-FUCKING-HOO, you proles. Feel free to join the club - but THIS ONE AIN'T IT."

    sorry man, but give me a break. a lot of those stories are pretty damn good. they're usually about something that matters. next time i get mayo on my sandwich without asking i'll remember to write a gfd just for you sweet heart!
    [Reply to this comment]
      as far as I'm concerned
      by krystallnacht(jarktastic@jark.com)
      gfd messagesAIM
      on Dec 18, 2002 08:25:18 AM
      (#2999)
      a negative 216 is really a badge of honor. uh-oh, the secret's out. now you'll have to give us 10's to make us angry. oops.

      and you're right about 'go read a book first'. only problem is, I read most of 'em already and hellsyeah has 'em all committed to memory. so for the rest of you, the great unwashed, here's all you need to succeed:

      George Bataille
      Bukowski
      Robert Anton Wilson
      William Burroughs
      Herbert Spencer

      Feel free to ask me if you have trouble with the big words. I'll start you off with a tutorial; 'cunt' is where babies come from and 'social darwinism' is the purest form of government. Enjoy!!
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        Comment deleted
         
          beuahhahaahahaaa
          by krystallnacht(jarktastic@jark.com)
          gfd messagesAIM
          on Dec 19, 2002 02:22:19 PM
          (#3064)
          you wear shorts.

          sympathy is for little girls.
          so are short pants.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            what are you afraid of?
            by scaviola(sol@assneck.org)
            gfd messagesAIM
            on Dec 20, 2002 10:52:39 AM
            (#3114)
            I posted a real picture of me for all to see. I provide a real name, real email address, and real location for people to understand where I'm coming from when I post. I hide nothing. If I post something that angers someone, they can contact me directly, maybe even come visit.
            You, on the other hand, might benefit from doing the same. Get some balls, back up your statements with a picture for us to look at, anything to show that you're not some pussy talking big but with no balls to back it up.
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
              afraid? ha
              by krystallnacht(jarktastic@jark.com)
              gfd messagesAIM
              on Dec 20, 2002 12:43:48 PM
              (#3121)
              I've always ahd a real email address in my profile, and that is a real picture too, and it shows more of me than most of the founding fathers of the site's pics do.

              and your shorts offend me. that mean I can come visit?
              [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    GFD is relative.
    by raven(duz ur face hurt its killin me)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Dec 20, 2002 04:01:50 PM
    (#3148)
    to every person. everyone has a different kind of GFD in relation to whatever their current situation is. i can't help but think that there are parts of this particular GFD that might be aimed at me, even though i barely post stories anymore because my life has settled down, despite the three silliest ones i've done most recently.

    i recognize that there are more important problems in the world today then the ones i choose to bitch about. but it's VENTING. and it helps keep me grounded. AND SANE. besides, everyone here was new at some point. they'll either get the hang of it, get rejected, or just forget about the site.

    though i am worried about the site getting too big...
    [Reply to this comment]
      Well, actually
      by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
      gfd messagesAIM
      on Dec 20, 2002 05:02:39 PM
      (#3149)
      The GFD is about folks who show up on the board and post a zillion, crappy GFDs in one cheap writing orgasm that ultimately leaves everyone unsatisfied and knocks more worthy posts off the most recent list.

      Certainly I have my ideas about what makes a quality GFD, and I recognize that they aren't universal. Personally I like to see wit, humor and perspective (personified as a ridiculous lack thereof, sometimes). Nowhere in that list does topic come into it - different things piss different people off, some are common, some are not.

      I don't care what anyone bitches about in particular, but kudo points go to folks who can articulate their grief with laser precision, and make me laugh my ass off while co-miserating.

      I've never had any gripes with your stuff, Raven. I really liked I Am Not Your Maid, even. Take heart. :)
      GMFTatsujin
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Bump
    by zaxon(huk~)
    gfd messagesMSN
    on Apr 15, 2004 02:07:11 AM
    (#14709)
    I like this story a lot~ And the recently active section is empty~ And people dont seem to read the faq~ bump~
    [Reply to this comment]
      Newcomer Maltandbagels... poop
      by nusschen
      gfd messagesICQ
      on Apr 15, 2004 01:26:54 PM
      (#14711)
      should read this. Also, he should learn from this.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        If he didn't read it then, poop
        by NATO Boy(kissmyass@notforspammers.com)
        gfd messages
        on Apr 16, 2004 09:12:44 PM
        (#14727)
        he probably won't read it now. Instead, he'll either leave like "IHateStupidPeople" and "Addamn"; or, he'll argue "This site is teh sux0r because ppl don't like my post. Fuck u guys, ur gay! I should be able to rant however I want, just like the Welcome page says!" like "Pods n Gods" did for his first while here.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          If... poop
          by nusschen
          gfd messagesICQ
          on Apr 17, 2004 01:56:35 AM
          (#14730)
          he leaves because he's like IhateStupidPeople and the others, that's his problem. I'm saying he SHOULD (for the good of all and his own) read it, maybe he can turn things around for him. But you're right.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          Also ... poop
          by nusschen
          gfd messagesICQ
          on Apr 17, 2004 02:03:09 AM
          (#14731)
          I'm thinking a lot of people are not inclined to read an FAQ just because it's there, especially if they don't think there is a problem. Like when someone gets something new and they DON'T read the directions on how to put it together until they screwed up.

          Maybe after you've invented your username and password, the next page could be this shotgun rant on posting, at least it would be a flash in front of them saying "there is a way to be an idiot when you post, so think twice before you press that button".

          But maybe I'm being too optimistic? Probably.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            user id 645 poopcrybaby
            by Gribble
            gfd messages
            on Apr 17, 2004 04:53:32 AM
            (#14732)
            ..
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
              ? poop
              by nusschen
              gfd messagesICQ
              on Apr 17, 2004 11:28:28 PM
              (#14735)
              ?
              [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
              ... crybaby
              by nusschen
              gfd messagesICQ
              on Apr 19, 2004 12:51:48 PM
              (#14740)
              confusing age with information, or should I spell it out, wisdom.
              [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                You should poop
                by Gribble
                gfd messages
                on Apr 19, 2004 01:12:22 PM
                (#14741)
                but you should try to make sure it's spelled correctly, teach. You might want to review appropriate usage for commas as well.

                Don't get your panties in a bunch, honey. Strutting around acting like you've got this whole GFD thing wrapped up isn't very effective when you've yet to earn the respect of anyone under userID 100. Getting all freaky deaky on me when I point this out just shows how far you have to go.

                I suggest you study Spanker's history. He's been suprisingly successful.
                [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                  Don't bet on it
                  by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
                  gfd messagesAIM
                  on Apr 19, 2004 05:00:26 PM
                  (#14742)
                  I don't know how much stock I'd put in the opinion of a guy who has a sock puppet for a head.
                  [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                  erm, well... crybaby
                  by Microsoft Bob(spamburrito@gmail.com)
                  gfd messagesAIMICQ
                  on Apr 19, 2004 07:33:00 PM
                  (#14744)
                  I don't respect you that much either. Frankly, I think you're annoying bitch...

                  It doesn't mean that I waste my valuable time complaining about it that often...

                  Anyone else need a drink?
                  /Bob
                  [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
                  On Gribble crybaby
                  by nusschen
                  gfd messagesICQ
                  on Apr 19, 2004 08:48:10 PM
                  (#14745)
                  I don't even think I should be responding to this, as it's time consuming and gribble will probably work out some way to fire back at me with my own post. But here I go:

                  First: If I have ever misspelled anything (God Forbid!), it wasn't just now. So drop it. You are obviously familiar with me or my reputation (and took the time to look up my user id) so if I respected you, I would be flattered.

                  Second: I think before I post. That's why it might sound like it's a constructed response. It is because it is. I do not strut around like I've "this whole GFD thing wrapped up". I tried to suggest something that would improve the quality of the sight even just a little bit, but I'm met with a comment that age (user id number) with wisdom (well written stories) are one in the same. This is untrue.

                  Lastly: I'm tired of slogging through so much bitter garbage (even too bitter for GFD, yes I think it's possible) so that when I make a constructive comment and someone stomps all over me, it makes me want to say something.

                  Oh, one more thing:
                  If you want to go by ratings: SPANKER 6.2 (146 votes, 9 stories), NUSSCHEN 5.7 (84 votes, 5 stories). My average does not look that far off from his, though he has written more. He's also only been around a month longer.
                  [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    I AM AWESOME dunceduncedunceduncedunce
    by RancidOperation
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Oct 17, 2004 12:48:18 PM
    (#16842)
    I AM AWESOME! I AM THE AWESOMEST! LOVE ME! um...I think I've run outta things to say...I AM NOTHING! I AM A FIGMENT OF YOUR SICK MIND! I LIKE TO EAT CHEESE! I AM RATHER ANNOYING! especailly at this point...cos I don't belive I have anything to say that really will make a difference at this point in time...MY SOUL HAS JUST ESCAPE THROUGH MY RECTUM!
    [Reply to this comment]
    Damn, this shit is good.
    by GraspingWind
    gfd messages
    on Mar 2, 2009 10:28:25 PM
    (#27225)
    I've never been one for scat but look at me now, sitting here fully satisfied by a mouth full of your shit. Just the very spirit in your words struck a chord in my heart.
    [Reply to this comment]

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