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general Dear Santa,
by GMFTatsujin
gfd messagesAIM
(Ask and ye shall receive) on Dec 24, 2002 09:30:07 PM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

I've been a very good boy. For Christmas, I'd like a scanner, a DVD player, a luggage set, an antique heirloom ring, $3000 worth of savings bonds, my CD collection, and the return of the illusion of security in one's own home, since some fucking bastard broke into my house and stole all of the above on Christmas Eve.
 
So my wife and I got home about 3 hours ago, only to discover our door wide open, some broken windows, and a heap of confused looking cats.

Quick dash through the house. Don't touch anything! What's missing? Are all the cats all right? Thankfully, yes they are.

I'm not going to go through all the nerves and curses that this particular event engenders. I'm sure you can fill in that particular blank. Suffice it to say, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

I will say, however, that reconstructing the crime in my mind is really frustrating. So many obvious routes in, through the 20/20 vision of hindsight. It's a shame that my criminal mastermind brain didn't cover them more thoroughly when I had the chance.

HINT TO ANY LANDLORDS OUT THERE: A security door don't mean jack when you can still pry the windows from their rusty hinges. That's one to grow on.

It looks like I'll be expecting a visit from jolly old Sgt. Flannagan this year, and I'm starting to think he's just as mythical as the little elf and his sled.

We've left everything as-is. There's a glove on the floor by the door, and a strange red spot that neither my wife nor I noticed before. Interesting.

In my mind, a pair of veteran, street-wise cops have shown up, picked up the evidence with their pencils and put them in little plastic bags, and are shaking down the local dealers for information on this heinous crime. One is professional youngster with pen and notebook in hand, the other is a wise-cracker with ice in his veins and 30 years on the force. Camera light-bulbs are flashing all over the place. Forensics has dusted the place down, discovered a few stray hairs and a saliva sample, and is, even as I type, tracking down matching perps in the giant database. With precision and determination, the wheels of justice grind their inexorable track to the thief's doorstep. Sam Waterstone is preparing his briefs at this very moment and refusing to make any deals.

Or, I could be living in the real world.

Three hours since we called in, and nary a peep has been heard. We managed to get one human on the line, Operator 90, but he's apparently nowhere to be found either. The local station isn't responding to my phone calls, and the general number is just as dead. The only hope we have for when our country truly devolves into a proper police state is that they retain their customary ineffectual blaise reserve. Unless it's a violent crime or your name is Mohammad, it apparently just isn't worth the trouble. God Fucking Dammit.

Even *should* a cop show up by the end of the year, he or she will probably just say that there's nothing to be done, since we don't have the serial numbers of the equipment, nor a list of our CDs to find out which are missing, nor anything else that's really identifiable and trackable. A report will go on file, and that will be that. Take note, suckers: CATALOG YOUR SHIT.

I hope the creep comes back sometime later when I'm around with my baseball bat. I'm also hoping this Christmas is a white one.

Blood on the snow is so festive, don't you think?

So there's a double-GFD for you on this festive holiday. A triple if you count the guy not showing up again to feel the wrath of the Happy Stick. Merry fucking Christmas or whatever.
GMFTatsujin

Addendum: Literally the instant I hit the "Post Story" button, a cop showed up. Needless to say, I minimized my browser *very quickly* when he sat at the computer to see where the scanner was. He even picked up the glove with his pen. He was very professional and thorough, walking us through everything we could do to help things along, taking careful notes, and asking pretinant questions. Merry Christmas, Charles.

[ Comment on this story ]


    *HUG*
    by bean
    gfd messages
    on Dec 24, 2002 10:29:23 PM
    (#3268)
    big hug to you both. and i dont think anyone will be topping that gfd xmas save for a death. very sorry for your losses but at least the kitties were fine. feel free to come crash with us :)
    [Reply to this comment]
    what kind of person does that
    by jenelle
    gfd messagesAIMMSNICQ
    on Dec 25, 2002 12:51:37 AM
    (#3269)
    it could have been so much worse if you had kids at home at the time, or even if you had come home and the person was still there :(

    it's awful that someone did that, but at least no one was hurt.

    if i lived nearby, i'd bake you a pie or some cookies or something :(
    [Reply to this comment]
    I feel bad for you and your wife
    by RogueAgent(lizrichker@yahoo.com)
    gfd messages
    on Dec 25, 2002 01:14:05 AM
    (#3271)
    I glad that every one is ok and your pets are fine. I would put up tree for and put lots of gifts and food for you and your wife. I feel sad hearing this. I believe should never be rob of your holiday and the joy that comes with. I am jewish what is like to have my house broken into. I had this happen two years ago at the start of Channukah. I was crushed. You and wife will always be welcomed in my home.
    [Reply to this comment]
    And God Bless Us Every One
    by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Dec 25, 2002 01:29:37 AM
    (#3274)
    I was going to say something kind of sardonic and possibly witty as is my wont, but it just doesn't fit.

    You guys rock my weird little world. Thanks for the happy thoughts, and joyous holidays to you and yours.

    My heart just grew three sizes.
    GMFTatsujin
    [Reply to this comment]
    hmm
    by cxreg(cxreg@godfuckingdamnit.com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Dec 25, 2002 01:40:14 AM
    (#3278)
    pondering this, it seems like the culprit knew pretty much where to look, and what to take. heirloom ring? savings bonds? unless all this stuff was in one place, or they were a lucky guesser, methinks maybe this person was familiar with your place already? or am I just being paranoid?
    [Reply to this comment]
      Knew what he/she was doing, certainly
      by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
      gfd messagesAIM
      on Dec 25, 2002 01:50:20 AM
      (#3281)
      Honestly, the apartment is really more of a shoebox with a front door. If it's not in plain site, we don't have it.

      What we figure happened is the the culprit tried to break in through a front window in our bedroom, but discovered that there's a giant headboard in the way. Another window in the living room was then prised open for entry. The luggage was snatched out of the closet (one of only two in the house), and was used to haul the stolen goodies out.

      The savings bonds were kept in a cookie jar on my dresser, along with about $200 in change. Yeah, I'd look there too if I had robbed places before.

      I doubt anybody we knew was in on this. We're anti-social and don't have hardly anyone over. The three or four people who have been to the house at all, I trust implicitly.

      I figure it was just someone who knew a trick or two of the trade - where people tend to put things and what kind of loot can be quickly had for the taking. I figure half of pulling off a crime is knowing how the victim thinks.

      Me, I think angry thoughts, but I still put my pants on one leg at a time like everyone else. I guess it's just a question of understanding habits. "Cookie jar on the dresser = place for spare change," that kind of thing.

      It feels kind of like a script kiddie attack, thinking about it. Somebody looked up "top 10 hints petty larceny" on google and came up with a generic plan. Time to patch my house, I guess.

      Blah.
      GMFTatsujin
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Addendum Part II
    by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Dec 25, 2002 02:09:14 AM
    (#3285)
    So the wife has been watching me post on GFD. It's fun! She decides to sign up for herself.

    And what's the very first thing she does? Destroys my near-perfect vote on this very post! "A very honest 8," she calls it.

    Humbug.
    GMFTatsujin

    PS: :)
    [Reply to this comment]
      Well...
      by dr noise
      gfd messagesAIM
      on Dec 25, 2002 02:14:42 PM
      (#3297)
      The 10 I gave you raises your average back up to 9.5. Merry Christmas. What you really need from Santa is a soldering iron, for invasive procedures on the next person who fucks wit yo shit.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Look at it this way
    by holly
    gfd messages
    on Dec 25, 2002 11:57:59 PM
    (#3304)
    I hope your remaining Christmas holiday goes well for you and I'm very sorry, but look at it this way...the person or persons who stole your shit probably stole it for some crack...so, we can only hope they overdosed(lets face it, you can buy an awful lot of crack with the shit they stole) and have finally spared the world of their pathetic lives. That's what I asked for you, for Christmas.

    Merry Christmas!
    [Reply to this comment]
    They're All-STARS not All-YOURS
    by SlickyPink(suckittrebek@gfdchatrawks.com)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Jan 1, 2003 05:03:04 AM
    (#3424)
    The weirdest thing stolen from us, which I didn't determine until yesterday because I generally wear my bedroom slippers to work (yes, I do, get over it, the management has) is TWO PAIRS OF FUCKING CHUCK TAYLORS! My kicky red ones AND my more formal black pair.

    I have wanted those shoes since I was 14 years old. I finally bought some last March.

    AND THEY FUCKING SMELLED BAD BECAUSE I HAVE SERIOUSLY NASTRY FEET!
    [Reply to this comment]
    My First Happy Bunny Yippie Skippy Post would be:
    by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Feb 7, 2003 02:07:47 PM
    (#4716)
    One of the wife's friends, who I shall name Agent Memphis, loaned us an extra DVD player that she had around the house, with the option to purchase later if we liked it.

    I watched The Matrix followed by Tron, and nearly widdled myself with joy. It plays all my VCDs. It's got some nice audio features that I can't wait to fiddle with.

    All praise Agent Memphis, for she has restored my faith in Good People.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Hmmm.
      by dr noise
      gfd messagesAIM
      on Feb 8, 2003 08:10:55 AM
      (#4747)
      I have a box set of PPG episodes on VCD, and they look like utter crap on my computer's DVD drive, and of course my PS2 can't be trusted to do much of anything right seeing as how it is little more than a fancy-looking piece of JUNK. How do VCD's look on a regular DVD player?
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        They look okay
        by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
        gfd messagesAIM
        on Feb 8, 2003 06:13:35 PM
        (#4761)
        Depends on the source and how much care they took cleaning and encoding it. I captured most of my stuff off of digital satellite with a dollop of post-processing to clean it up, so that stuff looks pretty good. There's a little artifacting, but it's not too noticable.

        Then there's the old VCR tapes I've been encoding -- those take a LOT to clean up, and video tape looses a lot of resolution and really only preserves the mid-level audio. It's watchable, a little better than video tape, but nothing to write home about.

        Are you looking at your VCDs in native 352*240 resolution, or are you zooming them up full screen? I imagine they look like total crap at anything above 720*480, which is TV resolution. Mine look sorta nasty on my monitor because I have the brightness down and the contrast up (my poor eyes can't take much more than a soft radiance); on the TV they look good though.

        www.vcdhelp.com is a good place to start looking if you're interested in how this stuff works.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    what the fuck ?
    by stUpiDaSScUmBuBbLe(tortureME@punkhardcore.net)
    gfd messagesAIMYahoo
    on Jun 8, 2003 09:36:12 PM
    (#7287)
    right now i wish i could of been born withreally big feet so that if i ever catch anyone in the act at my house , it causes more pain for them short term and long , BASTARDS !!!!!!
    [Reply to this comment]
    So.
    by zaxon(huk~)
    gfd messagesMSN
    on Jun 19, 2004 12:19:16 AM
    (#15784)
    Did you ever get any of you're shit back?
    [Reply to this comment]
      Uh
      by bean
      gfd messages
      on Jun 19, 2004 02:22:08 PM
      (#15791)
      isn't it obvious that a bear ate it. Jeez.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
      Well
      by SlickyPink(suckittrebek@gfdchatrawks.com)
      gfd messagesAIM
      on Jun 19, 2004 08:33:55 PM
      (#15795)
      I think GMFT contacted Uncle Sam about the savings bonds, researched their serial numbers and got them replaced. Though why he had to do all the leg work is unclear, as we all know the Government knew exactly what was in our apartment and they know exactly where it is right now. Because of the tracking devices and stuff...you know, that they monitor with the satellites.
      One good thing was after I discovered the fucking Chucks were gone, I discovered the ring (my evil grandma's, but it's nice) wasn't gone. I had it in a different jewelry box, with all of my really cheap shitty jewelry. :)
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    The same exact thing...
    by phazonmetroid(i.will.take.over.gmail@gmail.com)
    gfd messages
    on Oct 21, 2008 05:04:28 PM
    (#26989)
    Happened to me last summer.

    Except I was there, asleep, when the (soon to be ex-)burglar smashed in my door. Needless to say, that woke me up. Needless to say, I was PISSED. Do the math. Bastard ended up unconscious on my floor, and I called the cops to haul his ass away.
    [Reply to this comment]

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