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general Once Upon a Midnight Dreary
by GMFTatsujin
gfd messagesAIM
(Ask and ye shall receive) on Oct 21, 2003 05:38:23 AM

If you were logged in, you could vote for this story!

--- while I wandered weak and weary
Seeking out a Morpheus who'd guide me off to slumber's shore
Suddenly there came a roaring as of someone gently boring
Boring out a downward mineshaft to the Earth's own livid core.
A sample of what lay in store...
Ah, distinctly I remember Aprils, Junes, and last September
and each cal'ndars monthly page that falls away onto the floor.
Three years of nights I'd wished cessation -- vainly hoped for a vacation
From the ritual sensation of that nasal din galore
For the rare and radiant rest from cares whose lines my face now wore
Only this, and nothing more.

Too, the silken mad and massing rustling of our kitties' passing
Shifting, seeking places on the bed where only legs had been before;
So that now, to pin the shifting of those into slumber drifting
Through each and all positions sifting, felines walking, laying, lifting
A moment's merest motion gifting, keeping me from dreaming's door
Only this, and nothing more.

Then at once my stomach turning, in my throat there came burning
As of something crawling, yearning to be free in rush of gore
My digestive juices flowing, rancid inclinations growing
Suddenly a nauseous rising as I'd never felt before
Filled my mouth with bileous gasses, undigested stomach's store
McDonaldland had waged its war.

Then there came insistant purring, kitty snuggling was occurring
Prodding, clawing, meowing, yawning, stepping on my head, and more
A clamour fit to wake the dead made echo chamber of my bed
From kitty loving such as never had been seen on Earth before
"Refrain from killing kitty" I repeated quietly o'er and o'er
Only that, and nothing more.

But the Slicky still beguiling all the midnight hours whiling
Whiling, wheeling through my mind as on and on the hours wore
Delerious and close to raving, I felt my resistance caving
Seeking ways to quell the horrid din that I might rest once more
Headphones, reading, or a pillow to the face that I adore
Seeking sleep forever more.

"My sweet," said I with soft inflection, "would you kindly shift direction,
From your back to on your side in sleeping, I do you implore?"
My angel's body gently quivered, and on this hope she delivered,
And a single silent sliver's slumber-peace rose from the floor.
But her trumpet would not still when it had yet a blast to roar.
Quoth the Slicky, "Snore, snore, snore."

... it's been a long night.

[ Comment on this story ]

    Yes sir, I like it!
    by QuesoDelicioso(
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Oct 21, 2003 07:32:15 AM
    </Mr. Horse>
    [Reply to this comment]
    Subject wanted: apply within
    by gadlor(
    gfd messagesAIMICQ
    on Oct 21, 2003 10:38:28 AM
    Sheer brilliance. *golf clap*
    [Reply to this comment]
    it was many and many a year ago, gold starthumbs up
    by kraken
    gfd messages
    on Oct 21, 2003 10:47:56 AM
    in a kingdom by a guy named greg,
    that a geeken there lived whom you may know,
    by the name of daveO - cxreg; --
    and this geeken he lived with no other thought
    than to bitch and be bitched by the dregs.

    gmft, will you have my children?
    [Reply to this comment]
    okay folks thumbs downthumbs downpooppoopmr yukmr yuk
    by badhairwife(
    gfd messages
    on Oct 21, 2003 11:09:47 AM
    the next time you all imply I have no life, I'm going to refer you to this here story.

    Only this, and nothing more.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Why is it gold stargold starthumbs upheart
      by cxreg(
      gfd messagesAIM
      on Oct 21, 2003 11:58:09 AM
      that people with no talent or creative ability assume that anything impressive involved "too much free time on your hands" or something equally ignorant? What part of an ingenius satire of a classic poem with a true GFD contained within (or was that part over your head?) qualifies the "no life" tag?

      Oh yeah, what number are you on the top 10 rankings?
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        and why is it pooppoopmr yuk
        by badhairwife(
        gfd messages
        on Oct 21, 2003 03:56:23 PM
        People assume I'm trying to say I'm better?

        I refer you to a previous post, where I stated

        Wasn't aware I was trying to prove anything here.

        Can someone PLEASE tell me where, on this site, I have tried to appear
        (c)or even moderately interesting?

        Last I heard, this was a rant site, and that includes commenting on other people's comments. But maybe I got this part wrong, maybe this is supposed to be happy fun time? *shrug*
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          That was not a rant gold star
          by cxreg(
          gfd messagesAIM
          on Oct 21, 2003 04:02:16 PM
          That was a bitter rip on someone who is a more accomplished poster
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
          obviously you did get it wrong
          by bean
          gfd messages
          on Oct 21, 2003 04:04:53 PM
          having pissing contests with gribble seems to be happy fun time for you. because that's all you have brought to this site so far.

          and from the numerous dull comments you've been making, i'm kind of under the suspicion that you are trying to impress someone, probably yourself. i hope it's working.
          [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
            ya think?
            by badhairwife(
            gfd messages
            on Oct 21, 2003 05:42:52 PM
            of course, even gribs knows the quickest way to get rid of me is to not respond to my posts....

            I must have impressed you on some level, if you're commenting on a comment I made about other comments....

            Just ignore me, and move on.

            I do have occasional flashes of relevance.
            [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
      don't want to hear it anymore
      by nusschen
      gfd messagesICQ
      on Oct 21, 2003 09:36:57 PM
      enough of the bitching from the last threads
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    +10 GFD
    by zaxon(huk~)
    gfd messagesMSN
    on Oct 21, 2003 11:57:31 AM
    My only qualm is that I am incapable of selecting every option in the poll, therefore rendering my response not completely accurate. (Not to mention that "Barking Dogs" and "Family Members Arriving Home at 2AM and Setting the Alarm Off" are not available.)
    [Reply to this comment]
    She's such a pretty thing
    by Gribble
    gfd messages
    on Oct 21, 2003 12:48:17 PM
    You wouldn't think she'd snore.
    [Reply to this comment]
      Like a freight train baby heart
      by SlickyPink(
      gfd messagesAIM
      on Oct 21, 2003 04:30:01 PM
      ...but so does he. The contest isn't over silence -- it's who can get to sleep and stay that way fastest -- the other one is ALWAYS kept awake.

      I'd be miffed, but I just got flowers for our anniversary.

      So he can quoth my snore forevermore.

      Umm, and die in Baltimore.

      Umm, uh, and leave me for his new Baby-Momma, Krakabel Lee.
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
        by Gribble
        gfd messages
        on Oct 21, 2003 04:52:02 PM
        Thou dost satisfy me.

        Seriously, though, have you guys been checked for sleep apnia (sp? I bet Bean knows)? Turns out that eighty years of unpredictable behavior on my grandfather's part was due to the fact that he almost suffocates every night. He's feeling much better now.

        Ten years ago -

        My family is sitting around in someone's house after Thankgiving dinner. We're trying hard to keep a conversation going, because we're tno usually all toghether like this, but it's hard, what with the turkey and the booze and all. All of a sudden the conversation takes a sharp left turn.

        Grandpa: "I don't like these pants the kids are wearing these days."

        Me: "Why's that, Grandpa?"

        Grandpa: "Because you can't get them off in case there's a fire."

        Me: "Oh. Okay."

        The Rest OF The Family: Complete silence + furtive looks at Grandpa.
        [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    by bobby(
    gfd messages
    on Oct 21, 2003 01:46:57 PM
    that was good.
    [Reply to this comment]
    by nusschen
    gfd messagesICQ
    on Oct 21, 2003 09:35:48 PM
    enjoyed it
    [Reply to this comment]
    Fucking Brilliant
    by clichejunkie(
    gfd messages
    on Oct 22, 2003 12:20:55 AM
    Parody plus plot...I would give you a 15 if I could.
    [Reply to this comment]
    by Cheeselog
    gfd messages
    on Oct 27, 2003 11:33:05 AM
    Top f-ing shelf, man.

    The only way this could be topped is if someone wrote about hassles they got on their morning commute in the style of "Huckleberry Finn."

    I too would give out 15s, if they were even possible.

    As for myself, what keeps me up at night are loud moans and alarming thumps coming out of my roommate's bedroom. That's why I keep the white noise generator running.
    [Reply to this comment]
      We, too, have a whitenoise generator
      by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
      gfd messagesAIM
      on Oct 27, 2003 11:50:23 AM
      It's called "the toilet" because the stopper in the tank doesn't fit properly. Gurgle gurgle gurlge...
      [Reply to this comment]  [Parent]
    Hey look, it rhymes!
    by ohmyfuckingod(
    gfd messages
    on Oct 27, 2003 10:09:13 PM
    I hate poems. But, 8 I guess.
    [Reply to this comment]
    by brightmeadow(
    gfd messages
    on Oct 29, 2003 08:54:34 AM
    Wasn't there a computer related Nevermore?

    I would sure like to see that again!

    And Two-fisted tech support from back at The Bears, before the new forums.

    A 9.
    [Reply to this comment]
    There shore 'nuff was
    by GMFTatsujin(Ask and ye shall receive)
    gfd messagesAIM
    on Oct 29, 2003 09:11:39 AM
    There are a couple, actually. Here's the first one I saw way back in 1987... I think it was in Compute! magazine, but it might have been Commodore.

    Funny, I was thinking about that one the other day. Anyway, here's another and another.
    Yay google.

    Not that I'm admitting to being a full-blown, dyed in the wool geek or anything.
    [Reply to this comment]
    Very creative gold star
    by JadeRzzk20
    gfd messagesAIMYahoo
    on Feb 7, 2004 01:24:25 AM
    Well written and a nice change!
    [Reply to this comment]
    by Haceldama(I don't like you, either)
    gfd messages
    on Aug 11, 2007 08:21:06 AM
    Looked up your profile for other stories, and it was at 666 votes! These things amuse me.

    Profile for GMFTatsujin
    User ID: 89
    Real name: Cameron Goble
    Email: Ask and ye shall receive
    Member since: Sep 16, 2002
    Last login: Aug 6, 2007
    Average score: 8.1 (666 votes, 39 stories)
    [Reply to this comment]

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